Month: September 2018

Inhale

On By wrblackfordLeave a comment

Everything flows through the heart.

The inhale rises up into the mind and becomes clarity, wisdom, and light. The exhale sweeps the flow of breath down through the heart and into the body where it sits and collects heavy, heat, and dark. And back up it goes, always through the heart.

Inhale, transition, exhale, transition, inhale, and so on…forever. 

(At least as far as we’re concerned. Our lives is our forever, after all.)

There isn’t really any reasonable starting point to choose from. At any given moment the inhale or exhale is the first and last. We are our own alpha and omega.

What is the difference between building or rebuilding a life and assimilation?

I feel as if I am constantly amassing more distractions, more noise. Things I never even knew existed become necessary and get thrown onto the pile. I bounce between things that need to get done.

Suddenly, I am a collection of tasks, accounts, systems, lists, and thoughts. It feels more and more difficult to meditate, to let go of thought. My mind is so busy it’s numb.

Tranquility is a dream. Serenity, a story from a long-forgotten past. There is no more peace, no more idleness, no more rest. Even my free time is consumed with thought.

We are always going. Always building.

More. Much. Towards. Up.

Have more. Do more. Be more.

SMASH IT.

Tear it all down.

Marvel at the beauty of destruction.

 

Then inhale

Qualia

On By wrblackford1 Comment

Remember to let go of yourself, of who you think you’re “supposed” to be. Be one of “those” people. Be whoever you are at any given moment, on any given day. Discard stoicism, detachment, and shame. Feel free to change, to be unreliable, and practice acceptance of all the ways you are or one day may become. 

You’re not doing anything wrong. 

Hell is just resistance to life.

-Pema Chodron

I meditate on this bit of wisdom often. As I sit in my practice I try to hold and experience the essence of contradictory ideas, to contemplate them, and to strike a balance between them. Resistance and acceptance are two words that come up often during this practice. Both of these concepts are essential to thriving. Neither is right or wrong, they are merely opposites.

In my life, resistance is holding tightly onto things that are gone, things that I cannot have. Resistance is wanting to be somewhere else. It’s being not-present, whether my mind is in the past or in the future. Resistance to life is avoiding the painful emotions that arise when mourning the loss of people, things, and places. It’s letting fear guide my decisions.

There is a common thread here. Sometimes it feels as if my whole life is woven from the same fabric, one that I can see in its entirety only in fleeting glimpses and moments of clarity, but even that brief look is enough to reveal the complex interconnectedness of all its parts. The bird’s eye sees what feet rooted firmly on the ground never could.

A feeling of oneness is starting to return to my life, from a time that seems impossibly long ago, when chaos and pain opened and reopened doors I didn’t even know existed. Now, as then, I feel as if I am getting closer to something impossible. I continue to envision the heartspace and the places close to it, a place within us but also with lines connecting each one into a whole that moves with each inhale and exhale of breath. I wonder what it would be like to maintain that connection to the heartspace all the time.

This pattern, this common thread — it isn’t just mine, it is all of ours. It isn’t just my life, but all lives.

Impermanence is the only constant. Grasping onto anything, even ourselves, is resisting life. Let go and accept the pain inherent in doing so. Feel it fully. Embrace it, honor it, and try not to feel ashamed. Meet fear with love — love for the world, for all beings, and for yourself.